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"A man who seeks truth and loves it must be reckoned precious to any human society."

- Frederick the Great

Thursday 17 May 2012

Werewolves of the world unite! Stop discrimination against lycanthropes! Fight speciesism!

When I decided to come out of the supernatural closet and admit to my friends and relatives that I am a werewolf, some were truly shocked. Of course, they already knew I was lesbian, but that seemed normal enough to most of them. However, the fact that I regularly sprout unsightly underarm hair was patently offensive to those with traditional values about personal hygiene. I lost some friends because of that, and I suspect that others broke relations out of fear that I might tempt their children to try the “alternative lycanthropic lifestyle”. I tried to tell them that being a werewolf is not a choice – I was born this way. Probably they have been watching too many Hollywood films, and think that one can “catch” lycanthropy by being bitten. Don’t they know that only works with vampires?

Anyway, one of those friends who has remained faithful is Brian, the human I have often written about. Naturally he had misgivings at first, especially when I brought some of my werewolf associates to stay in his house last year while we were hiding from the CIA (long story, see here and here), and they threatened to eat him. Nevertheless, Brian has been very supportive, especially of my efforts to find Lysandra, my one true love, who had been my Companion through many incarnations until were tragically separated during the closing months of World War II. It was his suggestion that I use modern means of communication – Blogs, Twitter, and Facebook – to aid in my search for her.

So far, I have not found Lysandra, but I have made a number of new friends along the way – friends who live “out there” in the Internet. Some of them even claim to be werewolves themselves. Since I have not gotten close enough to detect their scent, there’s no way to tell whether they really are lycanthropes, or merely wish they were.

I was discussing this phenomenon with Brian the other day. Why would a human want to be a werewolf? Being one myself, I can say truthfully that, while it may have certain advantages (such as being largely invulnerable to injury when no silver is involved), I have often suffered great loss and pain because of what I am. There are some things which are too horrible to be forgotten, like eating my first girlfriend. No one had told me that sex would be so messy. This is why I do support the abstinence movement among teenage werewolves, as I’m convinced that it will help lower the rate of unwanted mutilations. Don’t mistake this for social conservatism on my part, however, as I wholeheartedly endorse the legalisation of lycanthropic marriage and vehemently disagree with those who believe that God intended matrimony for humans only. I can’t understand why allowing werewolves to marry would diminish the value of human relationships.